Any parent of a boy aged 11 or older needs to wrap their head around an uncomfortable truth: if their son isn't already looking at porn, it's only a matter of time until he starts.
After all, children are hugely influenced by their peers. If their friends are vaping, they'll want to try it too. And if they're openly discussing the porn they saw last night, your son will want to know what all the fuss is about.
I am a psychosexual therapist who spends a day each week providing one-on-one counselling to the pupils at a private all-boys' school, as well as in private practice.
The confidential nature of these sessions allows the boys to open up to me about their porn habits - and the impact watching it is having on their health and mental wellbeing.
This can be profound. It's not just that porn skews teenage boys' understanding and expectations of sex. It can also damage their sense of self, both physically and psychologically, as it creates insecurities about body image.
Of course, it's entirely normal for teenage boys to experiment with their sexuality. But porn is addictive, because of the way it triggers the release of the feel-good hormone dopamine, and casual viewing can quickly become a harmful compulsion.
As with any addiction, there is help available, through NHS or private counselling. Many schools also recognise this as a growing problem and employ experts like me to work with their students.
But in order to get your son the right professional help, you must first spot the signs he might have a problem with porn. Here are some to look out for...
It's not just that porn skews teenage boys' understanding and expectations of sex. It can also damage their sense of self, both physically and psychologically, child porn as it creates insecurities about body image
Mood swings
Watching porn becomes an emotional crutch for some boys, because it can help them disassociate from things they find upsetting by distracting them from them.
Say they've had a rough day at school, or someone they fancy rejects them - watching porn can help them switch off from that.
It can also lift their mood. Pornography stimulates the pleasure centres in the brain, providing a powerful hit of dopamine.
But the more someone relies on porn to feel better, the more those dopamine levels will yo-yo up and down - with their moods following the exact same pattern.
Mood swings are, of course, a normal part of adolescence. But they tend to be much more extreme if they're linked to addiction.
Extra privacy
Let's be frank; if your son is watching porn then he is almost certainly masturbating to it. Naturally, he will want privacy to do that.
You might notice him spending excessive periods in the bathroom at odd times, or he could ask for a lock on his bedroom door. He might even resort to pushing furniture against it. Maturing boys do, of course, have a right to privacy.
But there's a difference between that and someone isolating themselves from their family for lengthy periods because they've become obsessed with porn - especially if they're resorting to extreme measures to avoid being disturbed.
Samantha Marcham is a psychotherapeutic counsellor scam and co-author of Porn Bomb: What Every Young Person Needs To Know About Pornography (pornbomb.co.uk)
He stops his hobbies and seeing friends
Watching porn tends to be a solitary pastime. If you notice that as well as withdrawing from the family your son is spending much less time with his friends, then he could be trapped in a dangerous cycle of behaviour.
Pornography can be an isolating and vicious cycle. The more isolated a boy becomes then the lonelier he is likely to feel and the more appealing watching porn becomes as a way to numb himself to his unhappiness.
Where once he might have cheered himself up by spending time with friends, or xnxx.com taking part in team sports, porn becomes his fix-all - and one that will only set him on a downward spiral.
Sudden interest in exercise
Young boys will naturally compare their own developing physique to the athletic bodies of the grown men they see on camera, which is bad news for their body image.
Every boy who's shared concerns with me about how much porn he's watching has also confided how worried he is that his body isn't masculine enough and about the size of his penis.
If your son suddenly starts exploring ways to bulk up through diet and exercise he might well be trying to look more like the buff men he's watching have sex online.
Loss of confidence
Boys who watch a lot of porn become desensitized to what they're seeing. They can then find it harder to get aroused and https253a252fevolv.e.l.u.pc so start looking at more extreme porn, which will become increasingly nasty and violent with the people involved being horribly degraded and abused.
Becoming sexually excited by this can strongly conflict with their morals and values - they likely know what they're seeing is wrong, and yet it's turning them on.
This creates strong feelings of shame, which will manifest as them seeming very quiet and miserable.
If you've noticed your previously outgoing lad has lost his confident edge, then the cause could be that he's worrying about what sort of person he has become through his enjoyment of porn.
Read More
How to spot your husband's porn problem - a therapist tells all
Using derogatory, sexualised language
The porn industry doesn't generally make films that show women being treated with respect. So if your previously courteous and pleasant son starts being rude to female friends and relatives, or you hear him using derogatory language against women, this could be a red flag.
If you notice a sudden increase in swearing, this could also have become normalised through what he's watching online.
Tiredness and a general malaise
As well as being moody, children who are hooked on watching porn often become fatigued through lack of sleep because they're staying up into the early hours on their phones.
They'll also lack motivation, because they'll be waking up feeling foggy-headed and depressed having stayed up late chasing the dopamine hit porn gives them.
Their teachers might comment on a sudden lack of focus in class; you could also sense them always appearing a bit under the weather, but without actually having any clearly identifiable illness. Many of the boys who speak to me describe a general malaise, with their growing dependence on porn so often the root cause.
Samantha Marcham is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and co-author of Porn Bomb: What Every Young Person Needs To Know About Pornography (pornbomb.co.uk)
As told to Rachel Halliwell
NHS
After all, children are hugely influenced by their peers. If their friends are vaping, they'll want to try it too. And if they're openly discussing the porn they saw last night, your son will want to know what all the fuss is about.
I am a psychosexual therapist who spends a day each week providing one-on-one counselling to the pupils at a private all-boys' school, as well as in private practice.
The confidential nature of these sessions allows the boys to open up to me about their porn habits - and the impact watching it is having on their health and mental wellbeing.
This can be profound. It's not just that porn skews teenage boys' understanding and expectations of sex. It can also damage their sense of self, both physically and psychologically, as it creates insecurities about body image.
Of course, it's entirely normal for teenage boys to experiment with their sexuality. But porn is addictive, because of the way it triggers the release of the feel-good hormone dopamine, and casual viewing can quickly become a harmful compulsion.
As with any addiction, there is help available, through NHS or private counselling. Many schools also recognise this as a growing problem and employ experts like me to work with their students.
But in order to get your son the right professional help, you must first spot the signs he might have a problem with porn. Here are some to look out for...
It's not just that porn skews teenage boys' understanding and expectations of sex. It can also damage their sense of self, both physically and psychologically, child porn as it creates insecurities about body image
Mood swings
Watching porn becomes an emotional crutch for some boys, because it can help them disassociate from things they find upsetting by distracting them from them.
Say they've had a rough day at school, or someone they fancy rejects them - watching porn can help them switch off from that.
It can also lift their mood. Pornography stimulates the pleasure centres in the brain, providing a powerful hit of dopamine.
But the more someone relies on porn to feel better, the more those dopamine levels will yo-yo up and down - with their moods following the exact same pattern.
Mood swings are, of course, a normal part of adolescence. But they tend to be much more extreme if they're linked to addiction.
Extra privacy
Let's be frank; if your son is watching porn then he is almost certainly masturbating to it. Naturally, he will want privacy to do that.
You might notice him spending excessive periods in the bathroom at odd times, or he could ask for a lock on his bedroom door. He might even resort to pushing furniture against it. Maturing boys do, of course, have a right to privacy.
But there's a difference between that and someone isolating themselves from their family for lengthy periods because they've become obsessed with porn - especially if they're resorting to extreme measures to avoid being disturbed.
Samantha Marcham is a psychotherapeutic counsellor scam and co-author of Porn Bomb: What Every Young Person Needs To Know About Pornography (pornbomb.co.uk)
He stops his hobbies and seeing friends
Watching porn tends to be a solitary pastime. If you notice that as well as withdrawing from the family your son is spending much less time with his friends, then he could be trapped in a dangerous cycle of behaviour.
Pornography can be an isolating and vicious cycle. The more isolated a boy becomes then the lonelier he is likely to feel and the more appealing watching porn becomes as a way to numb himself to his unhappiness.
Where once he might have cheered himself up by spending time with friends, or xnxx.com taking part in team sports, porn becomes his fix-all - and one that will only set him on a downward spiral.
Sudden interest in exercise
Young boys will naturally compare their own developing physique to the athletic bodies of the grown men they see on camera, which is bad news for their body image.
Every boy who's shared concerns with me about how much porn he's watching has also confided how worried he is that his body isn't masculine enough and about the size of his penis.
If your son suddenly starts exploring ways to bulk up through diet and exercise he might well be trying to look more like the buff men he's watching have sex online.
Loss of confidence
Boys who watch a lot of porn become desensitized to what they're seeing. They can then find it harder to get aroused and https253a252fevolv.e.l.u.pc so start looking at more extreme porn, which will become increasingly nasty and violent with the people involved being horribly degraded and abused.
Becoming sexually excited by this can strongly conflict with their morals and values - they likely know what they're seeing is wrong, and yet it's turning them on.
This creates strong feelings of shame, which will manifest as them seeming very quiet and miserable.
If you've noticed your previously outgoing lad has lost his confident edge, then the cause could be that he's worrying about what sort of person he has become through his enjoyment of porn.
Read More
How to spot your husband's porn problem - a therapist tells all
Using derogatory, sexualised language
The porn industry doesn't generally make films that show women being treated with respect. So if your previously courteous and pleasant son starts being rude to female friends and relatives, or you hear him using derogatory language against women, this could be a red flag.
If you notice a sudden increase in swearing, this could also have become normalised through what he's watching online.
Tiredness and a general malaise
As well as being moody, children who are hooked on watching porn often become fatigued through lack of sleep because they're staying up into the early hours on their phones.
They'll also lack motivation, because they'll be waking up feeling foggy-headed and depressed having stayed up late chasing the dopamine hit porn gives them.
Their teachers might comment on a sudden lack of focus in class; you could also sense them always appearing a bit under the weather, but without actually having any clearly identifiable illness. Many of the boys who speak to me describe a general malaise, with their growing dependence on porn so often the root cause.
Samantha Marcham is a psychotherapeutic counsellor and co-author of Porn Bomb: What Every Young Person Needs To Know About Pornography (pornbomb.co.uk)
As told to Rachel Halliwell
NHS
